Mommy Mornings

Who doesn't love some relaxing, yet stimulating, Baby Einstein during the wee hours? 

Peter doesn't. 

Not when he can play with his new ball tower. 

Aunt Kirsten sent it our way yesterday, and I swear Peter woke up at 3am just thinking about it. He talked in his crib for an hour before I finally went to get him. I think he was saying "Baa-ll, baa-ll. Well, he was saying "Ba-ba-ba," and I think that's pretty close.

We read some books, talked to Barney, his Daddy's childhood bear, and danced with early-morning-shadows on the walls of his wonderful little room. Still smiley, Little Man convinced me. Anyone care to join us for some ball-tower-fun? I'm sure all my pregnant best friends are up. Too bad we don't live closer. 

 My two best friends are expecting their second babies. I am so excited for them both! When I told Scott the news, he said to me something he says often, "I wish we had started sooner. Have you made an appointment with a caseworker yet?" 

My cute friend Lindsey lives in Logan... Sort of. It's close, I think. Scott and I almost made our way up there to check out a road bike on KSL a few weeks ago. I have every intention of visiting, Linds, and seeing your new house and Q's new walking tricks. (Have they gotten old yet?) Lindsey is an amazing little mom. She was so cute when she announced her pregnancy to me. Worried about my feelings, she didn't want to tell me over the phone and put me on the spot, so she messaged me and let me call her. I couldn't be happier for her. I couldn't be happier for any of you who are blessed to carry babies. It is the greatest blessing! Enjoy every second (even those if you who wish you were sleeping... this moment! Enjoy this one!) 

I read Stephanie Nielson's book in about a day and a half. Though I don't want to minimalize her experience in any way by linking it to mine, it was so familiar to me and my experience in the hospital. I will write about specifics some other time, but the most powerful impression came to me as I read. Stephanie helped me articulate what I feel when I'm up at 4am with my beautiful little weirdo as he slap-happily rolls around my living room.

 I worked hard for moments like this. 

I fought my hardest so I could sit up with this guy in the middle of the night, change his diapers (14 poops yesterday! "What are we feeding this baby, Indian food?"), and help him practice standing on his own all day long. 

Even when I'm tired, or he's tired, or it's hard, or I get nothing done... I fought for this life so I could do all the things people complain about. And I am so grateful. 

For Stephanie it was trying to work the buttons of her daughter's coat with her clumsy, tender, fingers after they had been burned to inaction. It was wanting to make dinner for her kids and get them off to school in the way she'd always done... the way many take for granted. 

 Such a wonderful, simple life, that many people pass right over or dismiss as less-accomplished or easy. 

Mothers are sneaky, and motherhood is a well-kept secret. You can have no way of knowing just how sweet life can be until you are sitting up at 4am with your little boy who has moved on to the chevron firetruck, off again, and would like you to entertain him yourself. 

Especially if you had to fight hard for it. 

Which I think everybody does in their own way.

Scotty's up and out the door so he can bike to work this morning. It's a beautiful morning. I started this blog post at 4:30am, played with Peter, changed two poopy diapers, and ate too many dutch mints for so early in the morning (why do I leave candy in a bowl on my table?).

It's 6am now. Just as daddy's off for a bike ride and work, Peter and I will settle back down in my bed to squeeze a little more sleep before the sun is fully shining. It's shining now, but if I put a pillow over my face and clench the blinds as tight as they'll go, we just might get another 20 minutes more this morning.