TODAY I HAD THE THOUGHT...

(I actually have this thought often). But if I had gone out with Scott when he asked me to go climbing in 2007, we could have been together for almost three years by now! To clarify, it's not that I didn't want to go out with him... it was just bad timing (I unfortunately wasn't single)! We both could have cut back on some unneeded dating relationships... he could have been a river guide WITH me... we could have graduated together. As Scott pointed out today, we both love the way it happened... I love that it took the Rogue River to finally get us together (what a BEAUTIFUL place to fall in love) after wanting to date for so long. But sometimes I wish I hadn't wasted all that time.

Scott and I have so much fun together. We are a lot alike, and we are truly one of those couples that just love being each other's best friend. I have been known to have a lot of "best friends" throughout my life. Friendship is important to me, and I have been blessed to have some amazing friends that I love spending time with today. Scott jumped to the top of my list pretty quick.

There were so many little things that I first noticed about Scott that impressed me... going clear back to before we were dating when we lived next to each other on Condo Row. My first memory of Scott (I didn't realize I was feeling reminiscent!) was before I even met him (that's right I had HEARD about him before I met him in person. The fall semester of 2006 was the semester I'd be going to London, and several of my closest friends moved into a building on Condo Row. Before leaving for London, I was visiting these friends, and thumbing through their directory of everyone who lived in their building and the building next door, I saw Scott. I thought he was cute; but I was told that everyone had a crush on Scott Hannay. Of course now I can totally see why that was the case, but my dorky sophomore self thought it was pretty funny and that this guy probably thought a lot of himself. I don't know why I resorted to being judgmental. For some dumb reason, I decided in my head that I wouldn't have a crush on this guy because everyone else did. Non-conformism?? I don't know. Not that it mattered anyway... I'd probably never actually meet the guy. I went off to London after that and had a lovely London time.

While in London, I got an email from a friend telling me that a friend of mine was dating Scott, so I immediately reversed my petty little judgment and decided that he was probably an awesome guy because I respected his girlfriend so much. I didn't think anything of it after that until I came back from London just in time for winter semester 2007. Scott was still dating my friend, and I met him through her shortly after I had moved back. From that semester until I left BYU, I basically moved in and out of Scott's ward boundaries every semester, but if I didn't have a bed at Condo Row, I'd sleep on the couch. I spent most of my time in that area. I met Scott on Condo Row when he pulled up in his truck and I was attempting to long board on the sidewalk. I thought he was nice and cute (but unavailable) and again, didn't think much of it after that.

I started seeing Scott around campus, and we were now acquaintances who could say hi to each other when we bumped into each other in the terrace, the quad, or the LRC. We were both LRC studiers, and I saw him there nearly every day at the same time each day (I later found out that after Scott and my friend broke up, Scott would sometimes take advantage of my predictable schedule and fabricate some of these accidental meetings). We always noticed each other, we always were excited to see each other, and we always enjoyed talking when we could. I remember walking home from campus one day when we started walking together. I was on a literary overload and for some reason decided that discussing "The Book of Disquiet" with the poor guy who didn't even know me very well would be a good course of action. What's even stranger is that he liked that. Our conversation impressed me, and I really started having a lot of respect for Scott, even if it was from a distance. We didn't hang out, though we had so many mutual friends, but I had a high opinion of him. I knew he enjoyed the outdoors like I did, and always thought he'd be a lot of fun to hang out with.

Lucky for me, Scott felt the same way. When he was in between girlfriends he would say to his friends that he was looking to date a girl like Lindsey Petersen (isn't that cute!). It's pretty lame that we lived next door to each other for a year by this time, and we hadn't ever gone out. Why? Because Scott and I were NEVER single at the same time. In the Fall of 07, Scott came to the Law School where I worked, walked right up to my desk, told me he'd like to get into climbing, and asked me to go climbing with him that next week. I wasn't exactly single... I was kind of getting into a relationship, and we were just past the point where I could say to the guy that I had a date with someone else. Had he asked me one week earlier though, and... (herein lies that psychological anguish... the "if only" feeling). I wasn't very upfront with Scott. I didn't feel comfortable saying "I'm dating someone" because I wasn't sure if that was really the right way to say it. Lindsey made a bad move, and Scott ended up thinking Lindsey was pretty flaky.

The next year consisted of Scott, me, and our terrible timing! By the time he was single, I wasn't... by the time I was single, he wasn't... I moved to Moab to be a riverguide. He talked to friends about coming to Moab to ask me out (cute huh?)... and then was surprised to hear that I had opened my mission call on the river and was leaving for my mission to Texas that Fall. Scott, in my head, was one of those guys I would have always liked to date, but I kind of missed my shot (or blew my shot!) while we were in college.

Luckily Scott's buddy invited me to join them on the Rogue River in Oregon. I admitted to Scott later that I was really excited he would be there. After a summer of river rafting romance gone bad (especially while trying hard to focus on my upcoming mission), I was excited to have a laid-back-last-time-just-for-fun-random-college-friend-trip before I left. I had a good time with everyone. I laugh at how dumb I can be, though. Remember when I was a sophomore and decided I didn't like Scott just cause everyone else did? I got the feeling when we were in Tahoe that maybe Scott wasn't interested in me any more than the other girls on the trip... so I decided I wasn't interested in him! Clearly I was, or I wouldn't have been thinking any of this. I kind of made a special effort to give Scott less attention than the other guys. I think the professional term for this is "playing hard to get" which I wasn't at all! If Scott didn't have me by the day we left Tahoe, he had me by the last day of the Rogue. Scott won me over in Tahoe at first by being interested in everything I was doing. I found a mandolin in Jim Gribble's basement and started playing around with it in a corner to see if I could play anything that sounded decent enough to justify bringing it with us on the river. Scott had brought his guitar and joined me with my mandolin, and we spent that night looking up chord charts and songs we could learn to play together. I remember thinking how easy-going he was, and he made me feel easy-going (which I sometimes am not), and I got a good feeling as I sat with him and played music. This is something we still love to do together, and we especially loved playing songs together on fiddle and guitar when we tackled the Grand together last summer. I felt like Scott was mature and kind. He was very inclusive and just impressed me all around as I watched him with other people.

He won me over on the river because he is so adventurous. This river trip was just FUN. After a summer of being a commercial guide, I felt a little shaky on a private trip. But I loved not being the guide! I loved spending time with old friends and new friends, engaging in conversation, taking time to write and appreciate nature, and just slow down and contemplate my upcoming decisions and life. I didn't have to entertain! I didn't have to tell river guide tall tales about the legend of Castle Rock or what exactly did happen to poor old Larry who thought he skipped the gap when he really drove his car right in to the river. Even cooking was fun because it wasn't for a hundred-something people, I knew I wouldn't be doing ALL the dishes myself, and there was such a gorgeous variety of food (as opposed to 1st day... burgers; 2nd day... spaghetti; 3rd day... chili.... repeat)!

K... that was an irrelevant tangent about the joy of a private river trip. I was just so happy to be on the river and to feel like I was most myself. I was in a good place in terms of my physical health, sense of self, and spiritually, and I felt that this time on the river opened me up more to God's beauty in creation. It was one of those times in life where I had come home to myself.

Also... this post is getting to point where it's too long for me to read through after I write it. Hopefully everything I'm writing is making sense.

But this is the part where I fell in love with Scott... so I'll write about that. Anyone who knows Scott knows that he is adventurous and capable. I loved watching him tackle rolling his kayak in the rapids (I had never hard-shell kayaked... so I was impressed and a little jealous).

Since then, though, I've learned how to roll, and as soon as a Lindsey-sized kayak of decent price comes around, Scott and I will hit the kayaking hobby hard.

There were just so many fun moments that we shared that added up to create a fast and fulfilling friendship.

I loved when we picked blackberries off the side of the river. There were thousands! I got up on Scott's back to reach some of the prime spots, and we used some of the sub-par berries as war paint in anticipation of the accomplishment of our goal that day to take Nelson Trichler to the water, as he had never been pushed out of a boat he has captained. Sam, Scott, Nelson, and I fastened a torpedo raft out of two duckies. I remember rowing hard as Nelson called the shots, and I loved trying to show Scott how tough I was... in reality, I was really lucky I kept up!

And we did end up taking Nelson down... but of course he took ALL three of us down with him. So I don't know if we'll chalk that one up to a victory.

I fell for Scott more and more as I began to realize that he was always aware of me, and I could tell. If I dropped something, he picked it up before I realized it was missing. He'd get extra treats from the snack cooler and hand them to me throughout the day (Scott learned early on that my happiness depends on a steady and constant dispersal of treats, and that he should always keep treats on hand to whip out at a moments noticed. And what a smart guy! He figured that one out on his own! I didn't even have to tell him). In water fights, he'd never take me down. I appreciated that. I never could stand it when guys thought the best way to flirt with you was to smash your head into something and then pull you by your hair underwater, pushing your head down, kinking your neck, and grinding your chin into your shoulders until you could no longer breathe. Guys physically hurting me in a pool never exactly left me wanting more interaction with them. I appreciated that Scott was attentive to me, but kept his distance at the same time. I thought it was a sign of maturity. And I had been done with the immature factor in guys for quite a while.

Scott would paddle his kayak near my boat as I rowed, or near my duckie, always game for a good conversation. I had so many talks with Scott that also facilitated our fast friendship. I kept thinking, "I have wanted to be friends with this guy for so long! Why have we wasted so much time!" After hikes, long, high-energy river days, and conversational nights, I felt like Scott and I started making up for the time. The foundation for an awesome relationship was already there, and we built it up from the day we left Provo to the day Scott dropped me off in Sacramento.

The last night of the trip was the night Scott and I really sat down to talk about this friendship that had formed and how we both felt about what should come next. I remember having the distinct feeling that while I had to be cautious since everything had happened so quickly, I knew that Scott was supposed to be in my life at that time. He wasn't a distraction. I knew that we were building something that the Lord wanted us to have and develop. In the months to come as we approached the difficult choices to come, we did so as partners who knew that we were both acting on the impressions and guidance we got from our Heavenly Father. I remember thinking that there couldn't be a better way to start a relationship and a better test for us as a couple (especially if this was going to turn into a marriage).

Which it did! Six months later! And as we come up on one year of marriage, I am so grateful that I have married someone who still treats me the way he did when we were dating, who is still just as exciting to talk to as our first conversation, who is up for any adventure any time, who loves my family and appreciates them as his own, who tells me he loves me constantly throughout the day , who is aware of me constantly, who will add to my long list of things I want to do and help me check them off, and who has made my life a part of his just as much as he has opened and shared his life with me.

This ended up sounding so lovey dovey... but I do love Scott, and I've really enjoyed thinking today about how this fantastic life of ours started. We have a wonderful friendship and a wonderful life together! I seriously have so much fun with him. He handles being married to a sometimes-acts-like-she's-five-years-old spaz who (let's be honest) never stops moving her mouth (or in this case, my fingers on the keyboard). It means so much to me to know that I get to share everything in my life from this point on with Scott, as we still try to catch each other up on the the 25 years and 22 years that came before. I'd hate it if I had a ton more adventures I had to tell him about... it's so nice to know that he'll just be there having the adventure alongside me!